Monday, January 16, 2012

..: One Year :..

It seems like only yesterday that we met and I couldn't be happier, we have been through so much but we've supported each other through the heaven and hell his world has to offer. I remember the notes and the late night IM's they mean so much. I love our sing alongs even though it's mostly you singing. There isn't a day where you can't make me smile or can't brighten up my day. Your words of kindness mean so much to me and even though sometimes I blow it off I really take them to heart. You're so important to me and I'm pretty sure you have no idea how much but yes you are! Whenever I feel my world falls apart I always know I can fall on you and that you'll be my pillar of strength and you'll be my star when my sky is as dark as coal, you're my best friend and I would't change anything about you, because to me you're perfect just the way you are, though my eyes you're flawless (I know I'm being cheesy but it's true) youre there for me when most people turn away or leave me there to drown in my misery but you, you give me a hand to grab and a shoulder to lean on. Despite distance we've become so close and I dream of the day that we will get to meet face to face (hopefully you wont be disappointed of me) you're a piece of my heart and if anything happened to you I'd lose my mind. Even though we come from separate worlds we seem to impact each others lives. I love you, you're so important Filip. Happy one year<3

Monday, January 9, 2012

..: Its Not Easy :..

Loving you
Is it worth it?
Worth anything
Am I
A waste

Sunday, January 8, 2012

..: And All That Was Will Be Nothing More But Dream :..

Dark smoke, the scent of decay filled the air, as she sat there in a place pondering "Does your hesitation match mine?" she shook her head, "No I'm afraid I'm mistaken". Her dark eyes filled with tears, strong faces "I won't cry here, I won't cry for him" she whispered over and over to herself on that dusty old park bench. Shaking there in the cold she heard a noise and quickly raised her head to find a familiar face hovering above her own. "I'm sorry I was late, things came up and I...I'm sorry" he said with a cheesy grin, "it's fine, it always is..." she spoke, the tears began to stream down her face, "what's wrong?!" he asked while grabbing her by the shoulder trying to comfort her. With a weary expression she looking upon him, staring through his eyes and into her own, "im...I'm so sorry..." she quietly said "for?" he said with worry. "I... I can't remember your face....its a blur, I somewhat remember you but it seems I can't recall who you are or at least your not who you say you are...." the boy responded with a cocky laugh, "haha, It's me! You're best friend!!! Come on we talk all the time" "Used too" she quickly corrected. "What do you mean? You have priority" "I had priority, now we only talk when you're not busy" she replied with a blank look in her eyes "You used to tell me everything, now I'm not so sure... I don't feel like your equal, I feel like I'm kept in the shadows, like an abandoned project that you'll get back to 'one day'". He stared "You know that's not true, I'm always there for you" "correction you try to be there, and I appreciate it" she voice was gentle "but recently I've felt you far away, mentally gone. Like not even my words faze you anymore, like I'm becoming nothing on your eyes" tears streamed down her face like a river but she stayed quiet for a brief moment. "I know you're busy and it's not your fault that you are, but I can't help feeling this way, and it seems that every time I try telling you you change topics or move around it, despite this you know I love you but sometimes I feel you don't care at all, I know you do but sometimes I don't feel it. You hide your thoughts from me, when I ask you how you're feeling I feel you putting on a mask" the boy stayed quite. "I've been gone..." he said with a serious expression, "then take me with you, don't leave me here guessing or thinking what's wrong, sometimes I'm gone too but I take you with me, I close off and hide but at least you're not left in the dark..." she replied her voice becoming distorted by the mixing emotions coursing through her body, "I'm sorry" he replied, looking down at the floor while kicking dirt, a single tear running down his face. She stood up from the dusty park bench and gently lifted his face and smiled "There's the face I remember, that's the face of my best friend, please don't hide anymore". She grabbed his hand and he said "Where are we going?" "Anywhere, it doesn't matter, let's go home".

Sometimes it's the little things that matter. Sometimes we just need to know where we stand in the eyes of the people that matter.

Since we'll never talk about it at least it could happen in my dreams...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

.: Black as Space :.

It's 2:52am and I'm waiting for the sun to rise on a new day, hoping this feeling of sadness and loss fades away with the night. I have no reason to feel this way, when our eyes first met your heart was black as coal if anything was done to change that, well maybe I just gave up and now my ghost is up against the morning sun. I cringe and my screams are only responded with eternal silence. As I gaze at my moral figure, casket closing on my corpse I noticed you moved on, like a drowing man gasping for air I can't stand it and I turn away. We keep torture in our hearts, we just can't let go, I'll hunt you down and haunt your dreams, I'll strike you at night when your heart isn't guarding the door. Through the field of burning trees and over the river tinted with my tears. This curse is really haunting me. When we meet will your hesitation match mine? Will you smile or will you shake with anticipation? Your eyes shine like the sun while mine are dark as space. Don't worry with any luck I'll just be a bad memory. A rebel angel lost in purgatory, I can't see where I'm headed I've lost track of where I've been. Until the day my eyes will remain forever closed, until the morning sun rises on a new day when all this fades away into the dark side of the moon.