Sunday, February 26, 2012

.: The Unread Letter:.

Its been a year and baby I'm sorry, You know how much I love you...

         I tend to dwell on the memories we made, some make me smile, others make me cry and some make me shake in fear but no matter what we endured I still find myself loving you. Was it fate that caused our meeting? Destiny? Who knows, all I know is that I'm glad we met. Was it meant to be this way? Was the novel we created supposed to end like this? When I'm alone my mind can't help but gravitate back to you, and when I do I find myself questioning us, like you said "We aren't like anyone else" that much I know for certain. I can't find the words to explain how much I am grateful for the things you did for me, you freed me from the daily torture I endured at the hands of the coward who thought it was fine to break my shell, you held my hand through the many breakdowns I've taken, you've given me a shoulder to cry on when I felt my God had forsaken me, you've given me refuge from this fucked up reality and open your heart to me and let me find a place in it to call my own. You've given me so much, you've sacrificed so much for me, you've literally taken a hit for me, I owe you so much. You taught me so much, I can defend myself now, I'm strong enough to stand on my two feet and throw away the many mean words that humanity has barked and howled at me. I knew you loved me too but it wasn't the same kind of love I had for you. Just like you made me feel like I'm your everything I felt like I was nothing, you contradicted yourself so many times and the times you did are forever burned into my mind. Even when we weren't together I never tried to get in the way of your relationships (even when you told me you loved me) I was fine with things staying the way they were even if you saw me as your "brother" because you meant so much I didn't want to lose you. But you didn't have to hurt me the ways you did, I could have lived without seeing you kissing them, telling them you cared for them, you telling me how you enjoyed them oh so much, dedicating our song to them, if you wanted me to show you I cared you should have asked me not cause me so much pain. I know your life wasn't easy but you didn't have to take all your anger out on me  you didn't need to yell. You made me go through hell sometimes, I honestly didn't need those insults or comments about my appearance I'm not perfect, you knew I was damaged. Somewhere down the line I lost the trust I had for you, when you cheated on me I knew that we weren't meant to be like this and that you didn't love me that way, even though you swore you would prove me wrong you never got the chance to because life didn't give you enough time. Our last conversation is recorded into my mind, I can hear your voice so clearly and then the tears run down my face, you were my everything and when you left this earth a piece of me died, you helped build the person I am today, I love you so much and it's time I move on like you told me to but I don't wanna let you go, but it seems I have no choice huh? Perhaps you never forgot her, it's okay. I've written all I wish I could tell you. I needed this closure, goodbye my best friend, I love you no matter where you are, you'll always have a place in my heart that will forever be yours. -K.R.

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