Sunday, May 6, 2012

.: Importance :.

I guess I'll start with an I'm sorry...

I've been lost and this hasn't been recent either, I've been living in this place for sometime. 
My emotions have been uncontrollable recently and it seems like I'm losing my mind with each passing day. The   days keep moving and slowly I can feel death's grip tightening on my heart. Am I scared? I've come to the conclusion that yes I am. Not of death but of what will happen after. What will happen to the friends I leave behind? The family I hold so dearly? The moments I want to see and the dreams I wanted to become a reality? What will happen when I'm gone? I'm not sure but I can only hope they will be fine. The only people I can actually find the courage and trust to talk to them about this tell me not to think about it much but it's not that simple, when pain is a constant reminder how can it not come to mind? I've had a recent conversation with of the most important people in my life, he is my everything, he is my best friend. I told him that I worry about what may happen when I'm gone and he said something along the lines of we'll be fine without you. I don't know why but at that moment my heart sank. He didn't intent to but I felt like someone just stomped all over my heart, will I be that easily forgotten? I've been feeling alone and unimportant for a while now and hearing it from him just made me lose it but it gave me time to think and in that time I've realized that I've treated him so bad and I'd like to say I'm sorry. I understand you're busy and I need to stop being so selfish, you really mean the world to me, how can't you? You're there when I need you and you make me happy when I'm sad. You make me feel like I matter and that my existence isn't pointless and meaningless. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for the way I've been acting recently and it's only because I've missed you so much and still do. But I know you don't have much time to yourself so I'll leave you to it. I love you a lot and that hopefully you're not mad at me anymore and if you still are that you will forgive me. I know you'll miss me and I think it's time I stop dwelling in this place, I need to move forward with my life and not sit here wasting my time and I guess that what you and the other one have been trying to tell me. Thank you for always being there, and I can't wait to tell you that face to face. I love you my serbian and always will (: 

forever yours, 
The mexican...

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